Saturday, August 28

Oh, to mourn the passing of lousy food

There is someone out there -- and I am not making this up -- who is actively campaigning for the return of Taco Bell's chili cheese burrito. Wait, better yet: there is someone out there who survived eating Taco Bell's chili cheese burrito, and actually wants another one. And like everyone else with a lame cause, they're sending out press releases.

A co-worker of a friend of mine at a magazine received one of these, and wrote back in disbelief. Here's their exchange.

Disclaimer: the name of the co-worker has been shortened to protect his innocence. The chili cheese guy -- well, he's guilty as charged.

From: Steve Gomez [mailto:steveg@hybrid-interactive.com] To: Chris K. Sent: Wednesday, August 11, 2004 8:14 PM Subject: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE   Contact: Public Relations Office (prelations@chilicheese.org)   Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos   Delray Beach, FL - August 9, 2004 - Less than two weeks after a highly successful launch, www.ChiliCheese.org unveiled a service today that allows site visitors to find Taco Bell locations that serve the highly popular Chili Cheese Burrito.   A Taco Bell delicacy for years, the Chili Cheese Burrito has recently fallen out of favor by many Taco Bell franchisees. With the support of the Culinary Crisis Coalition (C3) and ChiliCheese.org, a movement for the return of this fan favorite has recently gained momentum in regions around the U.S.  During the first week of operation, C3 reports that it has received over 2.5 million hits to the ChiliCheese.org web site and thousands of signatures from consumers supporting the "ChiliCheese.org: I Need Chili Cheese!" campaign.    "We never imagined that the demand for this product was so wide-spread.  The support we've received from the public, as well numerous media outlets, hopefully means that the beloved Chili Cheese Burrito won't remain out of reach for long" said Steve Gomez, a spokesperson for ChiliCheese.org.   The centerpiece to ChiliCheese.org's Education Initiative, the Chili Cheese Locator, helps bridge the gap between Mexican fast-food patrons and the endangered menu item.  The Chili Cheese Locator provides real-time information about Taco Bell locations that carry the highly sought after product. This free online service is available to everyone by accessing the ChiliCheese.org web site.  "Due to the enormous out-pouring of public support we received for this campaign, we decided to launch the Chili Cheese Burrito Locator service.  We hope this tool will help other like-minded Taco Bell customers find this now rare treat" said C3 Co-Founder Stephane Guerette.   The Chili Cheese Locator allows users to search over 6,000 Taco Bells across North America for locations that carry the Chili Cheese Burrito. Visitors to www.ChiliCheese.org can also take advantage of this service to report on new locations as they begin carrying the item. Through the work of it volunteers, C3 confirms that each reported location offers Chili Cheese Burritos.   Adding to a lineup that includes a signature petition, downloadable material, and the history of the Chili Cheese Burrito, the new Chili Cheese Locator marks another milestone in ChiliCheese.org's vast grass-roots movement.   About the Culinary Crisis Coalition The Culinary Crisis Coalition (C3) is a grass-roots organization operated by volunteers and fans of culinary classics that are no longer available. The Culinary Crisis Coalition is solely sustained through private donations of likeminded food connoisseurs. Formed as a watchdog of the food service community, C3 strives to support restaurants in maintaining high standards, especially concerning classic culinary dishes.   Media Contact Steve Gomez Culinary Crisis Coalition 15025 Michelangelo Blvd Suite 206 Delray Beach, Florida 33446 850-264-1193     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *     From: Chris K. To: Steve Gomez Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 10:40 AM Subject: RE: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos You're kidding me, right?     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *     From: Steve Gomez To: Chris K. Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 10:53 AM Subject: Re: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos No Chris, we're not kidding you...   We are an actual organization fighting for a genuine cause.  We have received tremendous public support since we launched a few weeks ago.  You can find more information about us by visiting http://www.ChiliCheese.org. We have a media fact sheet available at: http://www.chilicheese.org/cc/fact_sheet.pdf   Please let me know if you need any information about our organization.  I would be glad to call you and give you any information you may need.   Thank you,   Steve Gomez     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *     From: Chris K. To: Steve Gomez Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 12:22 PM Subject: RE: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos Why don't you just make yourself a chili cheese burrito at home? I do this myself. I make some chili, buy some flour toritillas and hook that sucker up right.   And why do you want the Taco Bell version anyway?   I mean, their cheese is bland and there's got to be better chili out there.     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   From: Steve Gomez To: Chris K. Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 1:01 PM Subject: Re: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos Chris,   Frankly, the Taco Bell version of the Chili Cheese Burrito (Chilito) is one of the best versions we have tasted.  This opinion is not just coming from us, but the majority of our supporters.  We've actually been experimenting with different ingredients to create a burrito similar to Taco Bell's, but have not quite gotten it right.  We have purchased different brands of chili and a variety of tortillas with no luck. The closest matching chili we have found is still a distant second to the Taco Bell taste.  Most of our experiments just taste like canned chili on a non-Taco Bell tortilla.  We would love to be able to duplicate the taste, but once we do get it right, it still won't be good enough for our constituency.  Most are college age (18-25 years old) and will not take the time to prepare chili from scratch, if that's what it comes down too.   If there is this type of dedication to the product, for an organization to form and for thousands of people to sign petitions and donate money to support the cause, then we think Taco Bell should at least reconsider bringing the product back for a trial period nationwide to test the response.  After all, Taco Bell still offers the item to its franchises and it is still listed on their web site.  It's not that "there has to be better ingredients out there", but the fact that tens of thousands of people have grown up eating this delicacy and will no longer stand to live without it.   Sincerely,   Steve Gomez     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   From: Chris K. To: Steve Gomez Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 1:42 PM Subject: RE: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos You've made noises about why this isn't offered anymore, mention profit margins, for example, but it's unclear to me why the stores have stopped making them.   Have you asked any local store managers or franchisees what the deal is? They must have the ingredients in-house, anyway.   Also, a little voice is telling me your group is some type of stealth marketing effort backed by the Bell itself. Is this so?     * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   From: Steve Gomez To: Chris K. Sent: Thursday, August 12, 2004 2:37 PM Subject: Re: PRESS RELEASE: Chilicheese.org Launches Free Service to Locate Chili Cheese Burritos Chris,   Basically, we have no "official" word from Taco Bell, as to why the individual stores stopped making them.  The only information that Taco Bell corporate will give us is it's the individual franchise owner's/manager's choice whether to carry the item or not.  When we contact individual stores, the most prevalent response we get is: "It contains the a unique ingredient that is not contained in any other Taco Bell product...  the chili".    You may have noticed, Taco Bell's menu consists of items made up of the same 5 to 7 ingredients wrapped differently in some sort of tortilla casing, be it flour or corn.  The chili is not in any other item that taco Bell offers, so "storing this separate item can be a problem" for the franchises. Apparently, however, it's not a burden to store the potatoes for the new "1/2 lb Beef and Potato Burrito", an ingredient prior to the addition of this new item, was not carried by franchises.   Taco Bell has not released any financial information to us regarding the past sales performance of the item.  But, the fact that Taco Bell still manufactures and distributes this ingredient to a few hundred franchises across the country instead of canceling production, as with past items such as the Frito Burrito and the Enchirito, shows that Taco Bell corporate still sees profitability from this item.   Granted, Taco Bell is a business and must make a profit.  We realize this and would not demand the permanent return of any menu item that would not present a decent profit margin for the company.  Nor are we saying to boycott the company or suggesting that their customers do anything that might affect the profits or reputation of the company.  We only insist that Taco Bell corporate address this concern.  Our mission is two fold:  To find and inform the fans of Taco Bell's Chili Cheese burrito so we can show that there is a great demand for this product; And present the concerns of their customers to the Taco Bell corporation.  I believe we have already begun to show that there is a demand for this item since, in our first two weeks or operation, ChiliCheese.org received over 2.5 million hits, thousands of petition signatures, and monetary donations to help continue the fight.   And no, we are not affiliated with Taco Bell or Yum! Brands in any way.  It would be nice if this were a stealth marketing campaign because it would mean that I would be able to eat a Chili Cheese Burrito in the future and I would be getting paid for this.  Sadly neither appears to be the case.   Sincerely,   Steve Gomez

And that was it. No reply. I'm assuming Chris's head exploded after this -- well, or such a concentrated number of mentions of the chili cheese burrito gave him severe diarrhea. Come to think of it, I'm not feeling so well myself anymore...