Start getting real

From a New York Times interview with Virgin's Richard Branson, star of "The Rebel Billionaire":

Q: Why don't you ask your contestants to do something socially constructive instead -- like compete to clean up slums or volunteer at libraries?

A: We wanted to make the episodes charity-based, but Fox Television told us that you would have TV's all over the country turning off faster than you could blink.

Oh, come on Branson, you just weren't creative enough. Here are some charity-based reality shows Fox would have swooned over:

Fostering care | Twelve adorable orphans live together in an island mansion and vie for the attention -- and eventual adoption -- of two parents. But there's a twist! Two of the children actually DO HAVE PARENTS! Can the other children sniff out the imposters?

My Big Fat Obnoxious Soup Kitchen Worker | Laugh as a "soup kitchen worker" brings in filet mignon while all the homeless people have to eat slop! Gasp as he eats all the mashed potatos before Mildred, a 92-year-old street woman, arrives in time for Thanksgiving dinner. Hold your breath as they all find out that he's not a soup kitchen worker at all, but just an actor playing tricks on them!

Temptation Hospital | Ten uninsured patients get the chance of a lifetime: free medical care for longtime ailments. But watch out! If any of them lay a hand on our beautiful staff of flirtatious nurses, the only M.D. they'll be seeing is a Medical Denial.

Race for the Cure | A bunch of young, attractive scientists are forced to live in a home together and come up with the cure for cancer. Things are going great -- that is, until some young, attractive business people move in and promise riches if the scientists stop working on cancer cures and start working on new pills for erectile dysfunction. What will the scientists do?

Actually, I think we already know what happens in that last one.

(above photo came from this BBC story)

Posted by Jason Feifer at November 8, 2004 12:38 PM