The school of blessed hard knocks

Photo from waxy.org.

Last week, according to the Los Angeles Times, about 100 priests sat down to begin an eight-week study of how to distinguish and fight demonic possession. That's right: In a desperate and rare move for the Vatican, the doors are being swung upon to Exorcism 101, where Godly men will learn how to give Satan the ol' heave-ho. But what exactly is exorcism school like? Are there field trips? Final exams? It's not too clear. But for the benefit of future students, here are some excuses not to use if you don't turn in your homework:

• "The hound of hell ate it."

• "I went out looking for Satan, but became distracted by a tasty plate of seitan."

• "The victim's head spun so fast that it popped right off -- and at that point, well shit, the last thing she needed is a priest."

• "The power of Christ compelled me."

• "I took her to a gym, but it didn't help." (Get it? Exercise? Exorcise? Oh, the hell with it, this isn't very funny anyway.)

Posted by Jason Feifer at February 22, 2005 12:14 AM