Table scraps:

♣"THEY WERE ENGAGED in some bizarre activities in his bedroom. The gun, we believe, accidentally discharged," said the police detective. And by gun, he means -- well, actually, he means a gun. But while we're on the subject of sex and crime, what do we make of this: A guy is suing a woman he had an affair with, after she slapped him with a paternity suit. He claims, though, that they never had sex, and she must have stolen the sperm and then impregnated herself. Who would believe such a thing? Well, the Illinois Appellate Court just ruled that she can be held liable for the guy's emotional pain.

♣"TOUCHDOWN! ANAL ANNIE scores a touchdown!" Actually, no she doesn't. Nor does B Hard or Man Paste. Those are three of the 1,121 names not allowed on personalized NFL-licensed jerseys.

♣HERE'S THE HEADLINE: "'Freak accident' takes life of aspiring bull rider, aged 9". But ok now, really, are we surprised that putting a nine-year-old on top of an angry 650-pound bull was a bad idea?

♣MONDAY: UP EARLY. Ran like hell. No sign of coyote. Ate. Fidgeted. Ran like hell. Diary of the Roadrunner.

♣MSN THINKS IT'S wowing you by offering some brain-busting math questions under the headline "Could You Pass 8th-Grade Math?" But Snopes makes a great point when it slams down a similar challenge: "Just about any test looks difficult to those who haven't recently been steeped in the material it covers. If a 40-year-old can't score as well on a geography test as a high school student who just spent several weeks memorizing the names of all the rivers in South America in preparation for an exam, that doesn't mean the 40-year-old's education was woefully deficient -- it means the he simply didn't retain information for which he had no use, no matter how thoroughly it was drilled into his brain through rote memory some twenty-odd years earlier."

♣I TOTALLY HATE all this Michael Jackson stuff, but I can't deny that this is funny. (Note: When originally posted, I linked just to the photo from a blog post. It appears the blog blocked photo links, so instead the link here now takes you to the entire post. See photo at the bottom.)

♣A GIFT TO all bloggers: Ways to block comment spam. I should note that I haven't actually tried these suggestions yet, but I will. My old spam-blocking technique is starting to fail, so it's time for some reinforcements.

Posted by Jason Feifer at March 3, 2005 12:56 AM