Table scraps:

♣OVERREACT MUCH? A teenager played a joke on another one, by slipping some peanut butter into his cheese sandwich. The victim retaliated by sending the first teenager semen-frosted brownies. How'd he explain it? "He hated peanut butter and it made him more mad than he could explain," explained a school resource officer.

♣NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE importance of a good mask when robbing a store. One guy busted in with a Pluto mask, the clerk busted out laughing, and the guy busted out with empty hands. He's not busted yet, though: Police are still searching.

♣FOR ANYONE WAITING for a new Postal Service album, you'll have to keep waiting. But for some reason or another, they decided to release a new song.

♣BEST DIET MOTIVATION ever? At the National Police Headquarters in Sweden, a computer glitch has caused a computer voice to scream "Stop! One at a time!" whenever an officer weighing more than 230 pounds tries to pass through an entrance. (And speaking of diets, Girl Scout cookies are coming under attack. According to the NYT: "scout leaders are facing critics who think selling $400 million worth of cookies might not be the smartest move in a country where childhood obesity is considered an epidemic." Good point. But man, they're good cookies.)

♣WHAT ARE THOSE five stages of grief again? And which one is this -- depression, or acceptance?

♣SMILE! TWO OF you are about to be driven somewhere and shot by the mafia!

Posted by Jason Feifer at March 10, 2005 07:37 AM