A classy evening in Melbourne

While walking around Melbourne one day, I saw graffiti that said, "U say tomato, I say fuck u." I guess they called the whole thing off right there.

That night, Lisa and I wanted to check out a random local band, partly for the music and partly to do something completely non-touristy. At random, we chose a bar called the Esplanade Hotel (where I took the above picture), which was hosting a handful of bands that evening. We went, bought a VB each, and sat down just as the first act was ending.

Then a girl introduced the next act -- a guy named Alex, who she said had drank quite a few VBs already. Alex got on stage, tuned his guitar for a few minutes, meekly said, "Please enjoy me," and played an extremely sloppy instrumental song for a minute, which ended abruptly.

"I want to dedicate my next song to my girlfriend, who's sitting in the front row and wearing a white top and black pants," Alex said, pointing to a part of the bar that contained neither a front row or anyone matching that description.

"The song," he said, "is called, 'Bend over again you fucking bitch, I swear I caught a glimpse of nipple.'" Take a guess what the lyrics were.

After that impressive ditty, Alex played another tune, this one featuring lyrics far too slurred for us to understand. And when he was done with that, the girl who introduced him hurried up on stage and asked for a round of applause.

"We're going to have Alex back again sometime, when he has less beer," she said.

"That's not in the near future, I guarantee," he said.

I believe it.

Posted by Jason Feifer at May 27, 2005 01:09 PM