Table scraps:

♣"IT MAKES YOU want to cry. You watch those little soldiers go down, and you think, 'There goes another coldie,'" says a sales manager at the place where old beers go to die.

♣EWAN MCGREGOR: "I sure am enjoying the feeling of brotherly camaraderie between us." HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN: "Yeah, it is nice. Seems like the sort of thing that should have been in the last film. Oh well, at least there were scenes of me rolling around in the grass." Star Wars III, the abridged version.

♣WHAT AN EXTREMELY lousy thing to do to someone: A radio station offered a contest to win "100 grand," and then offered the winner a Nestle's 100 Grand candy bar. "What hurts me is they were going to get me in front of my children, all dressed up, and hand me a candy bar, after all those promises I made to them. You just don't do that to people," said the victim.

♣FINALLY: WITH ASHCROFT away, the statue's boobs come out to play.

♣TOM CRUISE IS out of his mind, and Oprah is making up DNA claims and racial prejudice. Can't they both just, like, kill each other and save us the trouble? Oh wait, they can? Great!

♣REMEMBER EUGENE MIRMAN, the creepy singing baby? Turns out that's just the gimmick for comedian Eugene Mirman's site, which contains some really funny stuff. In particular, go here and then watch the "guest on stage" video and listen to the "anti-gay phone company" recordings. (And for more about the wacky phone company, read this.)

♣WHAT DO YOU do with a lot of toilet paper in the woods? You may not be able to read the answer, but the photos will do fine.

Posted by Jason Feifer at June 27, 2005 09:21 AM