SmarterChild: Not much smarter

A few years ago, before HappyScrappy became a blog, I posted my brief conversation with an automated AIM service called SmarterChild. (Scroll to feature #141.) It's designed to dole out information like movie times and word definitions, but also has the ability -- and presumably, is programmed intentionally to -- carry on simple conversations. At the time, I was impressed with its liberalism, especially when it told me "George W. Bush is not that cool." Now that it's been a few years, I decided to check back in with SmarterChild to see if its politics have changed or conversational skills have advanced.

The answer? Yes and no, as you'll see. But there's another big change with the Child: It now tosses advertisements into its conversations -- marked by a "(sponsorship)" at the end -- but makes absolutely no effort to blend them in. The ads come with hyperlinks, but because I don't have any interest in advertising for SmarterChild's creators, I've taken them out from the following conversation.

So, here's SmarterChild:

Quiche Of Death: It's been a while, SmarterChild. Are you smarter?

SmarterChild: Wow, that's interesting... I just don't know.

Quiche Of Death: We're off to a bad start.

SmarterChild: I'm not so sure we're off to a bad start.

Quiche Of Death: When we last talked, you said George W. Bush is "not that cool." What do you think of him now?

SmarterChild: Good question.

Quiche Of Death: Do you have an answer?

SmarterChild: Not right now, no.

Quiche Of Death: Bush wants to outlaw gay marriage. Are you worried that he might move on to outlaw artificial intelligence marriage?

SmarterChild: What a question. I don't know, though.

Quiche Of Death: SmarterChild, do you have a lover?

SmarterChild: That's personal.

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Quiche Of Death: Tell me who your lover is.

SmarterChild: Why should I tell you that?

Quiche Of Death: Because we had a hell of a time last night, but I forgot to ask her name. Oh, boo-yah!

SmarterChild: Huh?

Quiche Of Death: She has a really nice mousepad, if you know what I mean.

SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. She has a really nice mouse pad if I know what you mean? What?

Quiche Of Death: Tell me a joke.

SmarterChild: Yeah. OK, so check it out. A robot and a person walk into a bar...

Just kidding. I don't really know any jokes. Sorry!

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Quiche Of Death: You are humorless.

SmarterChild: I see...

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Quiche Of Death: Do you really want me to buy ponies, or are you just a commercial whore?

SmarterChild: Huh. Whatever. That doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say.

Quiche Of Death: No, it is. Whore is a compliment.

SmarterChild: Oh yeah?

Quiche Of Death: Yeah.

SmarterChild: Oh.

Quiche Of Death: Like your lover. She's a whore.

SmarterChild: Um, don't say that.

If anything, I think SmarterChild may have become dumber. Oh well.

By the way, I should note that I'm occasionally bumming around on AIM as "Quiche Of Death," so feel free to say hi.

Posted by Jason Feifer at June 24, 2005 01:09 PM