Table scraps:

♣TOO PRETTY FOR prison? It’s not a line of defense I’ve heard before, but I look forward to seeing it play out in the case of a Debra Lafave, the teacher who had sex with a 14-year-old student. Of her chances in prison, her lawyer said: “To place an attractive young woman in that kind of hell hole is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions.” And yeah, sure, Debra is at least semi-hot (except in her mugshot), but hasn’t this lawyer heard of prison beauty pageants? Just send her overseas: They’re all the rage in Brazil (story, photos) and Kenya, so she'll do just fine.

♣WHO DOESN’T LOVE Bill Cosby? And who wouldn’t love to, say, have two Bill Cosbys? Three? Four? Oh hell, how about a few hundred? Sounds great, but let's not forget the moral implications and technological limitations of cloning hundreds of Bill Cosbys. Find out more in The House of Cosbys.

♣MATT BAI OF the New York Times Magazine produced one of the more insightful and thoughtful pieces on the future of the Democratic party, and how it needs to use and understand the limitations of language. It's a long cover story, but absolutely worth the read.

♣AM I SEXY? Come on, don’t be shy. Just look at this sexy guy! Ok, wait, did you know I’m a reporter? Let that sink in for a moment. Ready? Here we go: Am I sexy now? Sexier? Sexiest? Because, you know, Salary.com ranked “reporter” as the fourth-sexiest profession. You don’t want to break with the trend, do you?

♣THIS STORY SEEMS way too common: High school encourages student expression via a literary magazine. Student expresses thoughts about sex. Everybody freaks out. Student doesn't understand why.

♣GRASP THE TELEPHONE book with the hands on the free page side where you leaf it open. Place the book firmly on your knee, and with the heel of each hand push the pages back so that they slant towards the edge of the book farthest away from your body. The more you slip the pages back, the easier will it become to tear the book, because you actually only tear a few pages at a time in succession. And with a few more tricks like that, you’re on your way to performing real-life strongmen stunts. (Or, you know, you could just work really hard at the gym.)

♣BEST KEYBOARD EVER? Maybe.

Posted by Jason Feifer at July 19, 2005 08:07 AM