Oh! Oh! And she’s gotta be from Turkmenistan!

On Sunday, as you see above, someone found my site after Googling “sexy women in flip flops trampling on things.” No doubt, our friendly searcher -- who was from the UK, if you’re curious -- has a fetish for such things. It’s probably a wacky spin-off of a regular foot fetish. And hey, everyone’s got their thing -- brushing teeth, balloons, whatever. If you’ve got a fetish and can find someone who enjoys it as well, good for you. But of course, if you’ve got a fetish and can’t find someone who enjoys it, then you’re a guy talking like a 5-year-old during sex and freaking out your boyfriend.

But I must wonder: When does a fetish get too complicated? How many elements are too much? Foot fetish seems simple enough, but what of a foot fetish in which sandals must be worn? Sandals stomping on things? Sandals stomping on small, shiny objects? Shiny objects from China? Just how specific do people have to get in order to get off? That must be frustrating; it's like directing a play. "Ok, places everybody!" the complifetishists must shout, as 20 people scramble to get the lighting right, get the costumes on (or off, as the case may be), push the buttons in just the right order. And here we thought a normal orgasm was exhausting enough.

Posted by Jason Feifer at May 1, 2006 12:24 AM