Sold next to the submarine screen door

At around 6 a.m. Sunday morning, I woke up with a lot of questions. Most importantly, this one: “Is it better to poop where you wash laundry, or wash laundry where you poop?”

Seconds before, I had awoken from a jarring dream. In it, I was in a laundry room and wanted to put my washed clothing into a dryer, but my clothing was no longer in the washer. I checked and then checked again, and found nothing but a pool of water. I checked the other machines, but they weren’t there. The laundry was gone. Then, a woman walked in and explained what happened: These machines are hybrids -- washing machines and toilets, sharing the same bowl -- and I must have pressed the toilet’s flush button instead of the washing machine’s start button, thereby flushing away all the laundry I put in there. I realized my mistake -- oh, how dumb I am! -- and began fuming at how much good clothing I had just thrown away. One of my favorite t-shirts was in there! How could I be so careless? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Then I woke up. It took a few seconds to orient myself, then to realize that not only do these hybrid machines not exist, but there’s a damn good reason they don’t. I drew the above sketch for better understanding of the problem.

It’s a good thing I don’t sleepwalk. Otherwise, someone might find me taking a dump in the laundry room.

Posted by Jason Feifer at August 14, 2006 09:57 AM