Table scraps:

♣I WAS THINKING recently that it'd be fun to name a band "To Get Her Together," because, you know, that's basically just "Together Together" but with the first one split up. I don't know. Seems amusing. So I Googled it to see if anybody's already done this, and the top of the list was this pretty wacky story from a guy who had a one-night experiment with swinging. Interesting. And it seems I'm clear on the band name. Now I've just got to get a band.

♣A 36-YEAR-old Kenyan city councilman refuses to get married until he hears back from Bill Clinton, to whom he offered a dowry of 40 goats and 20 cows in exchange for Chelsea's hand in marriage. And seriously, how stupid can this man get? Chelsea's worth at least 50 goats and 25 cows! And if I were Bill, I'd hold out for a few chickens as well.

♣YOU KNOW THE problem with obits? They're too dull. So full of gloom and death. Somebody needs to spice these things up, pump some life back into the grave pages. Like these people. These people know what I'm talking about.

♣FROM THE "NEED A Better Explanation Department" comes this case of a man who allegedly exposed himself on a plane. It could go either way: The guy was stretched out on some empty seats, and a flight attendant says she saw his penis in the side of his shorts. He says it was accidental. But after the flight, police searched his bag and found five polaroids of his penis. His explanation? "He was bringing the photos to his girlfriend to show her the contrast between the sunburned areas of his body and the areas that weren't exposed on the beach." Well buddy, I believed your story up until then.

♣I WAS E-MAILING a friend recently about ultra-environmentalists, and she had an amusing observation: "It seems like once you cross a certain
threshold for tree-loving, you are mired in an vast arena of weird tree-lovingness where there is no limit to the wackiness you can embody." And right on cue, here comes the Mystery Tree Planter -- a person who has managed to plant 20 trees while going completely unnoticed.

♣ONE OF THE best promotional videos I've ever seen, but I'll say no more than that.

AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 11:02 AM | Comments (0)

Love is in the air

Best thing overheard at my birthday dinner last night, from a friend who will remain nameless:

So a guy at work today said, "Isn't it nice to go home to your naked woman in your air-conditioned apartment?" And I said, "Well, I don't have a girlfriend and I don't have air conditioning, so I get to look forward to going home and whacking off in front of the fan."

Permalink: 09:11 AM | Comments (0)

We're a long way from 1980

I turn 25 today, officially marking the last great milestone of my youth. I can already drink, gamble and go off and fight a war, but today -- oh, today! -- I can rent a car without obnoxious additional fees. I mean, aside from the obnoxious additional fees that normally come with car rentals.

It’s something to savor, even if I’ve never rented a car before. After all, the next milestone age is 50, when I get a colonoscopy.

Permalink: 07:41 AM | Comments (2)

Yesterday's funny pages were the black hole of laughs

The timing of this strip couldn't have been more perfect: On Monday, I pointed out B.C.'s pathetic attempt to refute global warming, and a reader named Steve left a comment that said in part, "I guess you can't expect a group of people who haven't quite swallowed 19th century science (cough, Darwin) to have a clue what climate change is." And then, two days later, B.C. writer Johnny Hart fails to disappoint by producing what I can only assume is some confused metaphorical attack against Darwin. Or, against walking fish. Or talking clams. Or, honestly, I'm not sure what the hell he's going for here, but I suspect it reflects his actual understanding of Darwinism.

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty abysmal day for comics, with B.C. leading the pack only by a naturally selected hair. Read on to tour some of the other tragedies...

Permalink: 12:50 AM | Comments (3)

Table scraps:

♣THAT EMILY SURE is a turn-on, isn't she? The hurricane, I mean. I know this is totally last week, but I just saw this AP photo (see larger), and laughed out loud at the unfortunate state in which one man was photographed. But hey, old habits die hard, don't they? (And if you don't know which man I'm talking about, just check out this, via Fark.)

♣IF I EVER go to China, I know the first thing I'm doing: Getting a haircut. I don't care if I need it or not; hell, I might not even get the hair cut. But boy oh boy: My friend Matt's been doing some blogging from China, and he experienced quite possibly the best hair wash ever -- and for only two dollars! I'm something jealous.

♣ANN COULTER MUST be running out of insane things to say, because she totally plagiarised some conservative magazines in her recent column. Come on, Ann, is it really that hard to come up with original hate speech?

♣IF EVER THERE is a sure sign that you're at a gay party, this is it.

♣EASTHAMPTON, MASS. GOT some new road signs. Too bad they're for the wrong state.

♣LOOKS LIKE THERE'S another side to Wal-Mart's desperate pitch for good publicity. Now when a newspaper columnist criticizes the Wal-Mart, the store apparently stops selling the paper. Nothing like a good, open dialog, right Wal-Mart?

Permalink: 12:08 AM | Comments (1)

A difference in hair, among other things

My awful hair circa 1998, around when this story takes place

I don’t think I was supposed to be left alone with him.

There wasn’t much reason for us to bond anyway, given that we had little in common. We were just the boyfriends -- his girlfriend coming to visit mine, us all making pleasantries while the gals caught up. I had met him once before, and he seemed nice enough, although he was very concerned about his hair. It’s long and styled and moves as if it’s choreographed, and he seems to take considerable pride in it. That’s top of the list for things we don’t have in common. In my early teens, I went years believing that any hair styling at all -- brushing, combing, even patting down with a towel -- was unnecessary and too feminine. I have the embarrassing yearbook photos to prove it. For years after, it was an afro explosion. These days, I keep it short and do some light maintenance with my fingers, but I still don’t own a comb. Old habits die hard.

In the unlikely event that the two of us had to spend any time together, I was given a singular instruction, which was handed down with the utmost degree of authority from my girlfriend Lisa’s friend to Lisa to me: Whatever I do, whatever I say, do not mention that we all had lice a few weeks ago. Because, you know, we did. Lisa and I lived with some friends in a college apartment, and one of them brought lice home from a job at a daycare center. Soon we were all itching and using expensive shampoo and shaving things we didn’t want to shave. Dramatic measures were taken and the lice were exterminated, but that’s not the point. Gone is not gone for good. This boy, this boy who loves his hair and is dating Lisa’s friend, does not need to know about the lice.

I said, “Of course.” I said, “Why would I bring that up anyway?” I said, “The lice? That was so three weeks ago.”

And then, when the he and I were sitting by ourselves in the living room, struggling to make conversation, I said, “So, did you know we had lice a few weeks ago?”

“Oh, really? Lice?” he said.

Permalink: 07:39 AM | Comments (3)

An argument that's hard to refute

Those two panels are the essence of yesterday's B.C., which follows the usual set-up: Caveman writes on a stone that mysteriously floats away to some penpal of his, the caveman sits around for a few panels (and thus relieves writer Johnny Hart of coming up with more content), and then the punchline comes when the penpal writes something back. It's no secret that Hart is a hardline conservative that makes political statements in his strips -- and lest you forget, he starts yesterday's off with a shot at Al Gore -- but isn't it a bit absurd to use a pre-industrial setting to refute a post-industrial problem?

So here's Johnny's argument: "There was no global warming thousands of years ago, so why would it exist now?" Very astute. I can just imagine next Sunday's strip, in which the cavemen talk about how safe they are with no gun control laws -- even though, you know, guns haven't been invented yet. "Nobody's ever shot at me," one caveman will say.

I can't think of many reasons to be nostalgic for the stone age, but here's at least one: When there were no newspapers, there were no crappy B.C. comic strips. Ah, those were the days.

Permalink: 12:57 AM | Comments (3)

By golly, there's a tunnel down here!

Why do Massachusetts politicians continue to put themselves in situations where they'll look rediculious? Former Gov. Mike Dukakis, of course, got in a tank during his presidential campaign, and it damn well ruined him. During Sen. John Kerry's presidential run, he dressed up in a silly-looking anti-contamination suit, and Republicans seized on it. And now, current -- and surely after the Nov. election, former -- Gov. Mitt Romney decided to head down to the subway.

How could it be out-of-context for Romney to go down to Boston's subway system? Well, let's just say he doesn't often rumple his expensive suits on public transportation. This from the Boston Globe:

It's a burden for more than 600,000 of Governor Mitt Romney's constituents: the cost of a subway ride.

But asked at a news conference yesterday about the price of a token, Romney stumbled.

''A buck," he gamely responded.

That was the correct price -- in 2003. Informed of the $1.25 it now costs, Romney told reporters ''OK, I'll give you a quarter," then laughed and descended into Park Street Station.

And amazingly, it only got worse from there. Good luck with that reelection campaign, Mitt!

Permalink: 11:04 AM | Comments (0)

Table scraps:

♣EVER WONDER WHAT a car thief does in the car while driving it? I never did, but I enjoyed finding the answer: They scream like mad, act really cocky, and one even smokes some crack. This entertainment comes courtesy of BaitCar.com, which posts videos of police-baited cars with installed cameras. It's like a little slice of justice with whipped cream on top. Mm-mmm!

♣BALLSIEST PRANK AT a high school graduation? Quite possibly. Just turn up your sound and watch.

♣HERE IS THE really pressing question facing journalism today: How do you report a story about a man who dies while having sex with a horse?

♣YOU THOUGHT GOOGLE'S Earth program was cool? Just check out what it's got on the moon -- and don't forget to zoom in all the way.

♣HASIDIC JEWS MAKE some pretty interesting music -- well, when they're not doing all that praying and stuff. Check out hasidic-reggae Matisyahu's "King Without a Crown," and this great "This American Life" story about one man's transformation from traditional scholar to rock-n-roller.

♣A SNIFFER JOE?. Arise Jeff, No! Jane offers I. Those are mine, but what areyour anagrams?

♣I'VE FALLEN FOR this marketing gimmick: America Online has brought us the AIM Fight, in which you can compete against other AIM users to see who is on more buddy lists -- to the third degree. Not only is this embarassingly entertaining (especially considering how meaningless your actual score is), but it's fascinating to me because I just discovered last week that my old screen name, KNULPREK, still works. I lost it a year ago when my family cancelled AOL, but somehow it came back to life and, thanks to AIM Fight, I know people still have it on their buddy lists. So, does anybody actually update their lists? Seriously now.

♣AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 08:48 AM | Comments (1)

At least this time we know it's not Virgin Mary

So how's this for freakin' creepy? Somewhere along the coast of South America, a Google satellite map is showing a face -- and I'll be damned if it isn't Strom Thurmond. What's he doing out there, making sure the black sand doesn't mix with the white?

Permalink: 12:35 AM | Comments (1)

Last night at the White House...

I wonder who gets a bigger head at an event like that: The president who knows he’s making a mark that’ll last a generation, like pissing on a tree and leaving a permanent stain; or, the guy who thinks to himself, "Even if I get thyroid cancer and stop showing up for work, I still get to keep this job. Sweet!"

It's a real toss-up, isn't it?

Meanwhile, I always knew this South Park character generator would come in handy. And here's the original photo I worked from.

Permalink: 12:01 AM | Comments (1)

Table scraps:

♣TOO PRETTY FOR prison? It’s not a line of defense I’ve heard before, but I look forward to seeing it play out in the case of a Debra Lafave, the teacher who had sex with a 14-year-old student. Of her chances in prison, her lawyer said: “To place an attractive young woman in that kind of hell hole is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions.” And yeah, sure, Debra is at least semi-hot (except in her mugshot), but hasn’t this lawyer heard of prison beauty pageants? Just send her overseas: They’re all the rage in Brazil (story, photos) and Kenya, so she'll do just fine.

♣WHO DOESN’T LOVE Bill Cosby? And who wouldn’t love to, say, have two Bill Cosbys? Three? Four? Oh hell, how about a few hundred? Sounds great, but let's not forget the moral implications and technological limitations of cloning hundreds of Bill Cosbys. Find out more in The House of Cosbys.

♣MATT BAI OF the New York Times Magazine produced one of the more insightful and thoughtful pieces on the future of the Democratic party, and how it needs to use and understand the limitations of language. It's a long cover story, but absolutely worth the read.

♣AM I SEXY? Come on, don’t be shy. Just look at this sexy guy! Ok, wait, did you know I’m a reporter? Let that sink in for a moment. Ready? Here we go: Am I sexy now? Sexier? Sexiest? Because, you know, Salary.com ranked “reporter” as the fourth-sexiest profession. You don’t want to break with the trend, do you?

♣THIS STORY SEEMS way too common: High school encourages student expression via a literary magazine. Student expresses thoughts about sex. Everybody freaks out. Student doesn't understand why.

♣GRASP THE TELEPHONE book with the hands on the free page side where you leaf it open. Place the book firmly on your knee, and with the heel of each hand push the pages back so that they slant towards the edge of the book farthest away from your body. The more you slip the pages back, the easier will it become to tear the book, because you actually only tear a few pages at a time in succession. And with a few more tricks like that, you’re on your way to performing real-life strongmen stunts. (Or, you know, you could just work really hard at the gym.)

♣BEST KEYBOARD EVER? Maybe.

Permalink: 08:07 AM | Comments (4)

Airport security made me wet my pants

Although we drove down, we flew back up yesterday and I learned a valuable lesson on the plane: Don't ever light up a cigarette while in the air, because it's a federal offense. I wasn't that stupid -- and nor do I smoke -- but some sloppy passenger in the back of the plane was. When we landed, the plane was held on the runway for a few minutes while beefy state police troopers escorted the man away. My friend and fellow traveller Joe made a good point: Sure, lighting up on a plane may be dangerous, but so is unbuckling your seatbelt before the light goes off. But when the plane takes off, nobody announces that one is a federal offense and the other will just earn you a stern warning from a stewardess. How's a passenger to know? Before airlines start throwing people in the slammer for bad passenger etiquette, someone should really explain which faux pas is a prison-worthy offense and which isn't.

But while I was just one of a sea of heads craned to watch this guy get arrested, little did I know that I'd arrive home and find security had hurt me as well. I found a little note from the Transportation Security Administration in my bag to notify me that, as part of a routine security check, someone's grubby hands had sifted through my personal stuff. Naturally, this made me feel extremely safe.

Then I discovered that the TSA spy had opened a bottle of my contact disinfectant solution, and repacked the bag without putting the top back on. During flight, half the bottle spilled out onto a pair of shorts it had been packed on top of. When unfolded, it looked like this:

This raises two questions: One, what terrorist weapon did TSA think could have been inside this disinfectant bottle? What was Osama going to do, make sure every American wears glasses? And two, how hard is it to put the cap back on when you're done checking out the bottle? It's the post-9/11 common courtesy: When you're done invading someone's privacy, please put everything back where you found it.

Permalink: 10:35 AM | Comments (2)

I went to North Carolina, and they named a college after me

Now that's Southern hospitality! Too bad they spelled my name wrong. But hey, it was a nice gesture anyway.

Permalink: 02:00 AM | Comments (0)

Southern photo dump

Those are alligator heads. Not toy gators. Not plastic heads. They are real, completely organic and very dead. Heads. Tons of them. This photo captured probably five percent of the table full of heads, and this table is one of perhaps hundreds of tables of alligator heads that are contained in every gas station along I-95 in northern Florida. I often wonder how disturbing it would be to buy one of them, place it on a shelf, and then wake up one night and look at this severed alligator head and its toothy smile, gazing at me from beyond the grave. This is one souvenir I'm happy to leave behind.

Here are a few other photos from the South:

Permalink: 12:00 AM | Comments (4)

A house of waffles! A house of waffles!

It seems like there's a Waffle House every mile in the South. We stopped at one in North Carolina at about midnight, after getting a bit lost, because it was the only thing open for miles. I was struck by two things: One, the jukebox contained a staggering number of songs about the Waffle House (see above). And two, there were five staffers there to wait on us, and only us. We were in the middle of nowhere, people! We were so far out that that waitress didn't even know what town we were in. When I asked, she thought about it for a moment and then told me what town the local children went to school in.

An impatient old woman took our order, and then gave it to the cook -- a man with the kind of moustache 14-year-old boys grow before they shave for the first time, and with a chin that seemed to slope straight into his neck. But instead of just handing him the order, the old woman stood about ten feet in front of him and barked it: "One waffle! One scattered, smothered, and covered! One..." Seriously, we were the only people in there. Was that necessary?

Of course, here's the big question: Are the waffles at Waffle House actually any good? Really, just take a guess.

Actually, there can be no room for misunderstanding here: No. No, they are
not good.

Permalink: 11:11 AM | Comments (4)

Eau de Toilet. But mostly, just toilet.

We stop for gas at Loves in Skippers, Virginia, and I head straight for the bathroom. Next to the door is this awesome little number: a 25-cent cologne dispenser, with a small selection of crowd-pleasing odors. I've seen condom and Advil dispensers in bathrooms -- and hell, even a tingler ring box -- but this was new for me. Somehow it seemed so, well, Southern. I immediately took out my camera and snapped a shot. Then a chubby man with drooping jowels and a thick accent approaches me.

Man: Wha'chu doin' there? You takin' a picture uh that?

Me: Well, yeah, I had never seen anything like this before, and...

Man: Lemme tell you somethin' about this here machine. I put a quarter here into this machine, and I turn the knob to mah cologne, and then I put my hand under the box here like this, because that's where things come out from. And then I press the button here.

Me: Uh-huh.

Man: And not a damn thing come out!

As he tells this, I begin reading the instructions on the box, and they make no indication that anything will come out of the bottom. In fact, an odor-desiring man should put his quarter in, turn the knob to the chosen odor, cup his hand over that odor's individual nozzle and then press the big metal button. When pressed, the cologne will spray out of the nozzle. Clearly, he didn't read that. In fact, there's no telling if he even can read.

But that's not the point. That's not the tragedy. This is a man that wanted some cologne, and he got none. He thought none came out, but in fact it sprayed unnoticed into the bathroom air, nullifying some horrible shit a previous chubby man with a coyboy hat probably deposited an hour ago. And that -- well that, surely, was not what was supposed to happen. So I say:

Me: Is that so!

Him: Not a damn thing come out.

I quickly hurry back to the car and tell my fellow roadtripper, Joe, about the encounter. He goes inside to check things out and comes back a few minutes later with two notable changes:

1) He bought some cologne from the machine, and

2) He bought a hat...

Permalink: 12:53 AM | Comments (4)

But for an authentic experience, the staff was just as rude

On day two of our trip, we drove from New York to Baltimore, walked into a food court at the harbor and found, of course, a New York Deli. But obviously, the staff training was done in Manhattan. We stopped more than five feet away from the place, and a girl working there immediately spotted us.

Girl: Ready to order?

Us: No, give us a minute.

Two seconds pass.

Girl: Ready to order?

Us: No, sorry, not yet.

Girl: Ready to order?

Us: ...

Girl: Ready to order?

Me: Alright, fine, I'll have a bagel.

Permalink: 12:30 AM | Comments (0)

Going down on America: One more for the road

I'll be leaving later today for a roadtrip from Massachusetts to Florida, and will be out of town for all of next week. If anyone has any suggestions of must-see spots along the way, drop me a line. But I'm warning you now: If anyone even mentions South of the Border, I'll instead drive to your house and egg your car. I've never actually been there, but I've driven by it -- and boy, that's enough.

I'll be bringing my computer and camera along, so while I can't promise anything, I'll do my best to post some updates from the road. Normal blogging will resume July 18. Have a good week!

Permalink: 01:25 AM | Comments (7)

It's the Headline Cliche of the Moment!

Google news screencap

Great minds think alike? Well I don't know about great, but there are 2,663 of them.

Permalink: 12:32 AM | Comments (0)

Table scraps:

♣RESPECT YOUR MUTHA, fools! Turn up your volume, and Mr. T will tell it to you straight.

♣"IT TOOK ME so much guts to wear this. I finally got it on, and now they want me to take if off. And they’re holding millions of dollars over my head for it. But eventually, that guy with the annoying question-mark suit stood his ground, and severed ties with the Home Shopping Network for asking him to change his wardrobe.

♣COULD THIS BE the best NYT correction ever? Maybe: "Because of an editing error, an obituary on Saturday about Obie Benson, an original member of the Motown singing group the Four Tops, misstated the number of fellow high school students with whom he formed the group. It was three, not four." (The corrections page has since changed, but this is via TMFTML.)

♣REMEMBER THAT KID that sat in front of you in math class? The one that really stunk, whose B.O. you could smell for hours afterward? The other kids said he never showered; that he never washed his clothes. Well, the laundry aversion might still be trouble, but that shower thing? Maybe he was the smart one.

♣SOME GREAT GUEST-CARTOONING is being done by my friend Joe at Heaneyland! right here and here.

♣THIS IS THE most intelligent idea I've read about the whole reporters-sent-to-jail scenario: Robert Novak, who started this whole mess, needs to stop getting a pass from other journalists. Nobody should print his column. Nobody should appear on CNN with him. He's set off a logjam and has taken no responsibility for it, so respectable and responsible journalists should simply stop associating themselves with him until he comes clean.

♣AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 11:17 PM | Comments (0)

Outdated too soon

Now it's kind of eerie to pick up today's papers, with those front-page photos of celebratory Londoners.

Permalink: 10:15 AM | Comments (0)

Culinary empowerment/disempowerment

My girlfriend made a cake and complained that it was ugly. I wrote "ugly cake" on it in icing. She felt better. We proudly brought it to a Fourth of July party and everyone gladly ate it. Hooray for psychology! Or, you know, hooray for sugar.

Permalink: 01:15 AM | Comments (4)

Table scraps:

♣SEX OFFENDER FEAR has officially run amok: A 14-year-old girl walked in front of a moving car. The driver swerved to avoid hitting her, then jumped out of the car and grabbed her arm and tried lecturing her on road safety. An Illinois court says the restraint is characteristic of sex offenders, and now he has to register as one.

♣SURELY, EVERY PERSON ever to play with fireworks has wondered -- hungered to know, really -- what it would be like if all the fireworks were set off at once. But it happened accidentally outside of St. Louis, and while three men were injured, we all get to enjoy the video on the page. Be sure to turn up the volume and hear, after many an explosion, some dolt say, "That doesn't look good," and a girl reply, "Yeah, I was just gonna say, I don't know about that." Doe-dee-doe-dee-doe.

♣FROM THE "NO Good Need Goes Unpunished Department," a Texas man was arrested after saving another man from drowning because he ignored orders from emergency personnel to leave the water.

♣WHERE'S WALDO, FOR those who hate the big picture. (via Not Myself)

♣LOOKING FOR THE perfect gift for that tech-savvy dude in your life? How about the Ba-Donka-Donk Mouse? No? Well, that isn't your only choice.

♣WOULD YOU BELIEVE some of the sodas marketed to Muslims are actually named Mecca Cola and Muslim UP? Believe it. And that's the least of their problems. (Via Grow a Brain)

♣AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 12:03 AM | Comments (0)

An abstinence supporter's wet dream

Ever wonder what an abstinance-only education supporter wants students to understand about sex? Clearly, I'm guessing, it's not the wild misinformation students are currently getting. But I bet they're jealous of what's happened in Hong Kong:

Grace Wong of the southern Chinese territory's Family Planning Association said the number of inquiries at her agency rocketed 50 percent last year, with many clients claiming to have no idea how to have sex.

"Some married couples are not familiar with their body parts," Wong was quoted as telling the Sunday Morning Post. "They don't know where their sex organs are."

Ignorance may not be bliss, but it does the trick, eh?

Permalink: 10:42 PM | Comments (1)

Eat a salad and the terrorists win

Paul Krugman found an advocacy group run by the junk food industry that tries to portray health awareness as anti-American behavior. The group, Center for Consumer Freedom, makes this wonderfully dramatic claim on its website: "Far too few Americans remember that the Founding Fathers, authors of modern liberty, greatly enjoyed their food and drink -- from drafting the Declaration of Independence over pints to serving French fries in the White House. Now it seems that food liberty -- just one of the many important areas of personal choice fought for by the original American patriots -- is constantly under attack."

Yes, indeed. The Founding Fathers may have loved their food, and we owe them quite a debt, but how many people really want to look like this? Author of modern liberty or not, I doubt Benny's second chin inspires that much reverence. I wonder, did he get that from a few too many freedom fries?

Permalink: 02:00 PM | Comments (2)

What am I, an art photographer?

No, but I love the close-up function on my digital camera. And in case you're curious, that bottle is a Buccoo Bay lemon beer, and it's quite delightful.

Permalink: 10:31 AM | Comments (0)

Table scraps:

♣SORRY FOR THE slowness on this site the last few days. We've had a double-whammy: I've been really busy, and my host's server has been mysteriously slowing down. Hopefully things are back to normal now.

♣TURNS OUT STELLA didn't get her groove back at all.

♣DID RUSSIAN PRESIDENT Vlady Putin steal a Superbowl ring? New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft says no, he wanted to give Putin the ring -- but then again, he might also just not want to be killed.

♣"IN ALL CANDOR, we were as surprised as the other companies mentioned among his preferred food brands." Frito-Lay says it's no big deal that Saddam happens to totally love Doritos, so don't sell your stock. Please! Please don't sell! Pleeeeeeese don't!

♣GOLDENPALACE.COM HAS BEEN amusing with all its streaking events, but this is out of control: For $10,000, some woman is having the web address tattooed on her forhead. Has she lost her mind? Perhaps in more than one way.

♣YOU ARE SO ghetto, but thankfully, 50% less ghetto than what I’m used to. I appreciate the effort! Yes, love is in the air, with an Ode to an Intern.

♣AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 08:06 AM | Comments (0)