Rats!

It seemed like a graphic, gut-wrenching way to illustrate the suffering and poverty in the dictator-dominated Zimbabwe: people eating rats. Last week, CNN’s Jeff Koinange built a story about Zimbabwe on it:

Twelve-year-old Beatrice returns from the fields with small animals she's caught for dinner.

Her mother, Elizabeth, prepares the meat and cooks it on a grill made of three stones supporting a wood fire. It's just enough food, she says, to feed her starving family of six.

Tonight, they dine on rats.

Problem is, rodents are apparently part of the normal diet in parts of the country. Now, some Zimbabweans are pissed. “Any knowledgeable Zimbabwean watcher or any Zimbabwean himself could have confirmed for Mr. Koinange that in Shona culture (but not Ndebele), field mice are often consumed and that a Zimbabwean would sooner die of starvation than contemplate eating a rat,” writes a Zimbabwean blogger. And here’s The Zimbabwe Times, a web paper run out of America:

Rural Shona people certainly relish in rodents, and have done so since time immemorial. The Shona, who constitute 80 percent of Zimbabwe’s population, however, eat mice and not rats. Koinange’s scoop should have died on that factual reality.

Apparently the CNN story did include a quote along these lines -- “It is misleading to portray the eating of field mice as an act of desperation,” said the country’s US ambassador -- but that didn’t alter the way the network promoted the story. During one promo, anchor Tony Harris breathlessly teased viewers, “Desperate days. Once Africa's breadbasket, children in Zimbabwe now catching rats -- that's right, rats -- for dinner.”

Having never been to Zimbabwe, this debate is far past my competency. Still, it’s an interesting conflict to see come up in overseas reporting: how to balance images that play to American viewers’ cultural sensitivities, while making sure they represent the same thing in the place being reported on.

Permalink: 02:26 PM | Comments (0)

My exercise in excessive vanity

My mom likes taking pictures by telling people to smile, and then counting to three. Slowly. "One... two... three!" I always tell her this is wrong. It makes everyone stiff, and years' worth of pictures are staid -- just the same poses with interchangeable backgrounds. I prefer candids or goofy shots, in which I'm invariably making a dumb face, because I think it captures the time and place.

But when Boston Magazine asked me for a photo to run in the contributor's section of the January issue (on stands now!), I was excited -- and suddenly vain. Where are nice photos of me? I wondered. Why am I making so many dumb faces -- just the same stupid pose with interchangeable backgrounds? Ultimately, after more than an hour of scouring my computer, I settled on the picture you see above. (Here's a full version). It was taken in London when I wasn't looking, and appears contemplative and, I fear, a little artsy. "Artsy, but flattering," a friend told me, when I showed her the photo before submitting it. Now we'll see if the rest of the city agrees. (Or, for that matter, if the rest of the city pays any attention to the contributor's page.)

Permalink: 07:59 AM | Comments (1)

So he wasn't eaten by wolves?

By releasing "Special Treat" and "Lazy Sunday" onto YouTube, Saturday Night Live has shown some Internet savvy. Let's see if they're really up to the test today. Gerald Ford has died, and, I'm only semi-ashamed to say, my first thought upon hearing the news was, "Hey! Just like in the Saturday Night Live sketch!" Except this time, well, he's actually dead.

The sketch -- easily one of the show's best -- has Dana Carvey playing Tom Brokaw, cataloging his coverage of the many ways Ford could die. I can't find video of it anywhere online, but here's a transcript and Carvey's got some audio clips of it on his site. Now, on this historic day, Saturday Night Live needs to make the smart move: dig out that video and post it online. I think it'd be a nice tribute.

Update: It's on Google Video. Thanks to commenter Katal for pointing it out.

Permalink: 08:12 AM | Comments (1)

Nature isn’t calling, but the toilet is

I was sitting at my computer a few days ago, and my toilet called out to me. Blugb. Blugb. This didn’t sound good, so I grabbed my camera and went to investigate. Here’s what I saw:

Oh, how I wish I didn’t skip Plumbing 101 in college. I had no idea what the hell was happening. Was something going to come crawling out? (It’s possible: A frog once crawled out of my toilet in Florida.) Was it going to gurgle higher? (Also possible: My girlfriend reports that our toilet seat and the shelving above it were mysteriously wet one morning.) Surely, whatever was happening, it wasn’t good. Also, in retrospect, it isn’t good to know that, if something slightly disturbing is happening, my first response is to grab a camera and stick my face in it.

As any plumbing-dumb, Internet-happy would do, I turned to Google, which told me this is what happens when there’s a blockage in the plumbing pipes. That sounds delightful. Hopefully it’s not a frog.

Permalink: 07:53 AM | Comments (1)

Table scraps:

♣PHEW! IT'S DECEMBER 26, my favorite day of the year. (Ahem.) Here's some links that have been sitting in my inbox for the last few weeks, as various work duties have distracted me from this blog (if you haven't noticed) and I forgot to link them on here:

♣FOR THE THREE people who have yet to see this, here's the funniest thing Saturday Night Live has produced since "Lazy Sunday." (And it didn't get on YouTube by coincidence.)

♣EVER WANT TO bitchslap an entire community? You will after reading the tale of a boy whose leg gets blown apart, and the townsfolk who now hate him for harming their stupid high school football game tradition.

♣I DON'T DONATE money to my alma mater, Clark University, but that doesn't stop them from asking. Yesterday, they sent out a link to a slideshow, and some fundraising guy wrote, "I hope it helps you to reflect on your time at Clark. . .thinking of the professors, mentors and friends who made Clark a special place." It didn't. Actually, the slideshow sucked: not enough pictures, too slow, too boring, way too many appearances of the school's president. And yet, I watched the whole thing because of its soundtrack, an a capella version of Spacehog's "In the Meantime." The version was pretty good, but more importantly, it's good to know someone out there still cares about that goofy 90's song.

♣BEER ADS ARE easy to tune out, but here's one I eagerly checked out: Milwaukee's Best cans become cannon fodder. (Watch the cannon video, and then be sure to check out the montage.)

♣MY PARENTS' FRIENDS live on a farm in Vermont, and their two dogs love rolling around in shit. And with good reason: They're animals. But when I look at expensive doggie mansions, I have to wonder: Do the people who buy these things acknowledge that their dogs, if given the opportunity, would also be perfectly happy rolling around in shit? I suspect not.

♣I HAVE AUTOGRAPHED playing cards from David Robinson, Hakeen Olajuwon and Kevin Johnson, and I got them all the same way: As a kid, I wrote these players and pledged that they were my favorite. Turns out, I wasn't the only kid with this idea.

♣HEY, MEAT-EATERS: We're smarter than you.

♣AND THEN, THERE'S this.

Permalink: 12:29 AM | Comments (4)

Notorious KIM, indeed

Kim+Kim

Kim Jong-il, everyone’s favorite wacky and self-obsessed dictator, has apparently decided that his starving, frothy army needs a morale booster -- and that booster is, of course, karaoke machines. Because, you know, food and money is totally overrated.

But while North Korean state media announced the Dear Leader’s act of benevolence, it apparently didn’t note which songs are loaded onto these machines. Kim being Kim, I’d expect a lot of stuff about him. And being that he’s rather short, well, maybe there’s some Lil’ Kim on there. I’m thinking the 2000 hit “No Matter What They Say” shares so much of Kim Jong-il’s uncompromising bluster, he might as claim it as his own:

No matter what people say
We got it going on
Who cares about what they think
(Won't you come and)
We are the number one
(Come and show me how you do that baby)

Come and show me... with your nukes! There’s your morale boost, baby. But, uh, he might want to cut the ra-ra before the next verse, which, considering his elaborate tastes, also sounds like he wrote it:

If I was you I'd hate me too
Louis Vuitton shoes and a whole lot of booze
...
You might even see me on the channel nine news
I get paid just for laying in the shade
To take pictures with a glass of lemonade
My rocks shine like it was dipped in Cascade

On second thought, best stick to the classics.

Permalink: 07:51 AM | Comments (0)

The seafood that almost became see-food

A few weeks ago, I put out a challenge: Who, oh who, would eat the yucky crab snack that my dad’s friend sent from overseas? This weekend, my friend Joe bravely opened wide and popped one in. It smelled like low tide, he said, and tasted much the same. It was sweet on the outside and fishy in the middle, but the worst part, he said, wasn’t the taste so much as the consistency. You couldn’t just chomp and swallow, like a pretzel. You had to chomp and chomp and chomp, as it clumped together on your molars like a Butterfinger. The little crab was persistent.

As he crunched away, we all moaned in horror. When he nearly gagged -- a brief, panicked jerk of the head, a bit like when a pigeon walks -- we nearly gagged with him. It was an experience, to be sure, and I’m thankful Joe was willing to take it on. But mostly, I’m thankful I didn’t.

Permalink: 12:09 AM | Comments (0)

(Insert "blow me" joke here)

Making balloon animals is hard, as my friends and I learned over the weekend when someone's Yankee swap gift included a bunch of balloons and a pump. But by golly, give a group of 20-somethings a few hours and a few drinks, and they'll figure out how to make, well, this:

Permalink: 12:15 AM | Comments (3)

My Three Dads

The alleged victim of the Duke lacrosse rape case is pregnant. And in other news, human biology has been drastically altered. Here's the lede on an AP story about it:

DURHAM, N.C. — A judge ordered testing Friday to determine whether three Duke lacrosse players fathered the child of a woman who accuses them of rape — a prospect defense attorneys dismissed as an "absolute impossibility."

Say what you will about the case, but you can't really argue with the defense attorneys here. Last time I checked, it is indeed an absolute impossibility for three men to be the biological father of one child. But hey, maybe they're doing some crazy bio-engineering down there at Duke. Just imagine the amount of catch a kid with three dads would have to play. Whew.

(Hat tip to my friend Marty for pointing this out.)

Permalink: 02:12 PM | Comments (1)

Table scraps:

♣I OFTEN WRITE snide things in the memo line of checks -- especially to Verizon, who I use (and hate) for cell phone service. It's usually stuff like "wasting my money" or "your service sucks." But here's something I can really admire:

Hats off to you, Randall! (Via this dude's livejournal.)

♣IT LOOKS LIKE you're reading a blog. Can I help you with that? It looks like you're reading a blog. Can I help you with that? It looks like you're reading a blog. Can I help you with that?

♣HAVE YOU EVER had one of those days where it's really windy -- I mean, like, hurricane-strength windy -- and people are hanging on to stuff for dear life, and you just want to fling them away? No? Uh, neither have I. But in the meantime, you can try it out anyway.

♣I PLAYED NINTENDO'S Wii for the first time this week, and was really impressed. It responds to your movements really well, and has made gaming a lot more interactive. Amusingly, it's made it a little too interactive for some people, who are accidentally throwing their controllers. Nintendo apparently has noticed.

♣I HAD A little talk with former Boston Mayor Ray Flynn, in case you care about such things.

♣THE WORDPLAY ALONE sells this thing.

♣SALES AT iTUNES are apparently tumbling, and that makes me happy. Buying digital music is absurd enough as it is, but buying digital music that can only play on one machine is like burning money.

♣IF YOU HATE Darwinism, you're surely going to hate this: There's a scientific explanation for why people see Virgin Mary in pieces of toast. It's called pareidolia, "the perception of patterns where none are intended."

Permalink: 12:46 PM | Comments (2)

Then again, if he's always drunk, this strip would start making a lot more sense (and still suck)

In a bout of shame-free shadenfreude, I delighted yesterday in reading that Bruce Tinsley (right), the creator of Mallard Fillmore, has been arrested twice for DUI. I dislike a lot of comic strips, but very few make me also seriously dislike the author -- and Mallard Fillmore’s one of them. It isn’t his politics; I’m also not fond of Doonsbury or Ted Rall’s weekly strip. Instead, it’s that Bruce doesn’t seem to understand that a comic strip must creatively package ideas instead of simply imposing them in raw form. His strips all follow the same format: Mallard sees something, there’s a semblance of comic set-up, and then the punchline is a politically conservative suckerpunch clothed as a vague, convoluted attempt at a joke.

And so, in honor of Bruce’s brush with the law, I present to you a high-concept table-turning: Here are some recent Mallard Fillmore strips, re-written as if Bruce was liberal and the target of Mallard’s ire.

(Originally published 12.4)

(Originally published 11.23)

Permalink: 12:35 AM | Comments (4)

One patient, a million backseat surgeons

I've got a feature in today's Washington Post about how patients involved in high profile, first-ever procedures deal with the raging media attention they receive. (The graphic to the right is from the Post Health section's awesome layout.) It's a great relief to see this story in print, because it's been on my mind for the last year. It was originally conceived and written when that partial face transplant was huge news in 2005, but for one reason or another, the face case wasn't in the news as much by the time I filed the story. The Post decided to wait until the next big case came along, so the story could run and seem tied to something specific. I don't think any of us expected it to take so long. For a while, I scanned the headlines looking for medical-first stories. Eventually, I gave up.

But while reading the newspaper on the toilet a few weeks ago, I spotted a piece about the first-ever five-way kidney swap at Johns Hopkins. It was perfect: newsworthy, and local to the Post. I flushed, washed my hands, and shot off an e-mail kindly suggesting it was time to run the story. They agreed. Some re-writing later, and here we are. It is, as always, a great delight to be in the Post, but it's also a thrill to finally put this baby to bed.

Permalink: 07:56 AM | Comments (1)

Jammin' and scammin'

In the comments section of the previous post, a reader named John mentioned a recent 20/20 investigation on Nigerian 419 scammers, a topic near and dear to my heart. I found a chunk of it on YouTube (bonus: a similar BBC feature), and was riveted. It made me wonder why I'm not always watching 20/20 for-- well, OK, maybe that's taking it too far. But this one was great.

It's exciting that these things are finally getting media attention, and reporters seem to have increasing access to the scammers and their marks. But one of the wackiest elements of the 20/20 piece was its repeated use of a Nigerian music video called "I Go Chop Your Dollar," which is apparently huge over there and celebrates the scammers. I found a full-length version of it, which is above. Then I started Googling it, and learned I'm months late to this party. Apparently people have long been talking about this. But because I hadn't heard of it before, I'm guessing most of you haven't either. And if so, well, you can leave a comment saying this is so October, 2006.

The song is awesome: catchy, upbeat, exactly the kind of thing you'd expect a scammer to be bopping along to as he pockets another grand from some American nitwit. I also like the lack of American literal translation: Instead of the singer chasing some well-dressed American and chopping his money in half (which is no doubt what you'd see if this were made for MTV), it's mostly people dressed and dancing in colorful African garb. But the video does have some illustration -- shots of oil rigs, of people living in shantytowns, of some guy eating slop on a bench -- and it gives a good insight into the justification these scammers have for taking on Americans. Not that you needed the visuals: The first verse of the song contains the lines, "Poverty no good at all, no / Na im make I join this business." (Full lyrics, and lyrics translated into plain English)

One blogger has argued that this is parody, because the singer is a well-known comedian in Nigeria. That may be, but I doubt the song's popular over there because it's funny. Either way, if you're like me and were supremely curious about the people behind these scams, this is a great look inside.

Permalink: 09:17 AM | Comments (1)

The Passion of the Pre-Christ

Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto" comes out today. It's the story of Mayan war and change, and a welcome departure from the sort of religious themes that tend to get him in-- oh, wait a second here. What's this?

Awwww, Mel! What's a rabbi doing in there? Will you ever learn?

Permalink: 08:33 AM | Comments (1)

Cheap nudie photo, two years in the making

In August, 2004, when this blog was just a clumsy infant (as opposed to its current status of an idiotic toddler), I noticed a trend in which dozens of people found the site by Googling some version of “nude water polo” or “topless water polo.” What was going on? Why were so many people searching for this, and why had they all ended up at my site? I never got a good answer to the latter, but after I mentioned this mystery on the blog, one such Google searcher (near bottom) wrote me to explain that topless water polo “combines the three greatest loves of the average American male: sports, breasts, girl-on-girl action.” Classy.

As people began finding this blog by searching for other wacky crap, I had long forgotten about this -- until yesterday, when I got an e-mail titled "waterpolo tits" from someone named Maren:

Hi Jason!

Maybe you should put this on your side... so the people have something to look at... ;-)

(By the way, somebody sent this pic to me, that's why I started searching... guess where I ended up... ;-) )
Cheers,
Maren

And so, because who am I to stand in the way of this ever-present crush of water polo fetishists, the full NSFW pic she sent me is after the jump.

Permalink: 08:34 AM | Comments (1)

No, no, I said grab bag. A grab bag!

As I walked out the door to work on Monday, I saw a package that had just arrived from my dad. I grabbed it, and opened it while speeding down the highway. Imagine the shock and near-death experience when, while barreling down the road, I pulled out this bag of -- ahem -- exotic snacks. Or, you know, if I may be so culturally insensitive, this bag o' fucking distgusting.

This crab-bag comes via a friend of his that took a trip to (I think) China. I don't have the guts to open it, let alone eat it. They look seasoned. And crunchy. Yuck. Every bite, every little cracking noise, would be a come-hither for the lunch in my stomach. New mission: Find someone to eat this, so I can take a picture. I'll be surveying my friends. Meanwhile, anyone out there in Internetland willing to take a stab? Let me know; you may just wish you hadn't.

More pics after the jump.

Permalink: 08:15 AM | Comments (4)

Still kickin'

Sorry it's been so quiet on here lately. It's been a heckuva busy week. Sunrise on the horizon, though. Meanwhile, here's that new review I wrote of the new contemporary art museum, which I mentioned in a previous post. Because, no doubt, you're all eager for my completely uneducated art criticism.

Permalink: 07:54 AM | Comments (0)

Mmm, this drink is delacious!

There's a diner in Acton, Mass. that we've gone to a few times. We always forget the name, but call it "Baverages," after a wonderfully misspelled sign near the counter. This morning, I snuck a picture of it.

Permalink: 12:24 PM | Comments (2)

And they'll smile when she does the dishes, too

Blondie, 12/1

Oh, that crazy Dagwood! Always taking his wife outside without properly warm clothing, knowing that she dislikes the cold weather, and then using her displeasure as an impetus to send her back to the kitchen. Yuck yuck yuck. What a kidder.

Thank god for “Blondie.” Where else would we get our “women disillusioned with repetitive domestic life” humor? And look at that family: Dagwood and Alexander with their dumb smiles, but Cookie looking blankly ahead, her mouth slightly agape. Maybe she’s putting it together. Run, Cookie! Just get up from the table and run! The men probably don’t know you’re there anyway.

Meanwhile, just down the street, Hi's developed an attraction to high school girls. Good luck with that one, Lois.

Permalink: 04:56 PM | Comments (1)

Get your art on

Croissants! Kiwi! Yogurt parfait! Oh, wait, and there's art?

It’s the Boston art event of the century, the city's first big museum opening in about 100 years, and I was there bright and early for today’s press preview. Not being an especially plugged-in member to the art community, though, I spent a lot of time gawking at the spectacle of this morning’s event, and wrote about it for the Boston’s Weekly Dig blog. My review (for what it’s worth) of the actual art and architecture will run in the print edition later.

Click the jump to see a picture taken of me at event.

Update: Amusingly, the pic after the jump isn't the only one out there. HubArts posted this picture; I'm five from the left, wearing the cream shirt and black pants. And oh, how attentive I am!

Permalink: 11:32 AM | Comments (0)