Gina,

So, we have something in common after all: We both like girls. I wish I could just tell you that. On one of those rare times when we're both alone in the house, silently eating or watching television, exchanging awkward pleasantries or questions about the news, I wish I could just halt everything and say, "Listen, we both like girls. We're not so different."

But, I think you'd hate that. You'd hate me for that. I don't know why, but I don't know you that well, either. I guess that's the point. But, I think you'd stop talking to me altogether, which wouldn't be much of a change, really. You'd stop your suspicious tone, your furtive tone, your stand-offish tone. You'd just stop completely, and go back into your room, and come out only when I'm gone. That's what I fear.

What I'd like is a normal relationship with my roommate. I think I'm willing to provide that. I think I'm a lot more open-minded than you're used to, which is unfortunate. Listen. I know you're gay. A lesbian. Homosexual. Date girls. I don't know what you'd call it, so I'll use all the terms. I see that girl with the short brown hair disappear into your room for hours, and I see her leave in the morning. You tell me she's just a friend, but I'm not stupid. I'm also not your parent, you know. I know she's more, but I don't care. Honestly, your life is your life. If you date girls, awesome. Hey, she's a cute girl, whoever she is. You have good taste.

Can't you stop being skeptical of me? Is there any way I can prove to you that I accept you without you thinking that I'm just trying to cover up some kind of ugly homophobia? Really. I'm ok with it. I am. I'm ok.

I imagine it must have been tough growing up dating girls. I bet that if you ever do tell anyone, you follow it up by asking, "Are you comfortable with that?" Not really accusatory, not really concerned. Just covering your bases, so to speak. You probably do it because when you first finally got the nerve up to tell people, whenever that was, however it was, someone eventually flipped out and called you something mean. You can't get married in most states. Going out on a date would be like street performance. I know. I mean, I don't know, but I know. You know?

Oh, I wish you would just tell me. I don't care how many "Are you comfortable with that" comments would make you comfortable. I'll take them. I just want this ice broken. I don't think you're cold or you hate men, or some kind of other ludicrous lesbian stereotype. I think you're just afraid I'll freak out, and then you'll have to find another apartment in a city with no vacancies, because I was here first. I think you're just playing it safe, and I understand that. I respect that. But please, listen. I would love if we got some coffee and talked about girls. I think it would be a lot of fun. We don't seem to have anything else in common. Different politics, different movies, different diets, and hey, I won't admit that I cringe when I hear some of your music. But, we do have girls. Pretty girls. Beautiful girls. We can both look, can't we? More than any of them, though, I'd like to get to know the girl I share rent with. If only a little.

-Sam

dirty laundry