♣A NON-SHOCKER: Cops don’t like when other cops give them speeding tickets. A shocker: Some cops made a website about it. 

♣SOMEONE IN NORTHERN Texas wants to buy a cute shirt. Someone in Sydney, Australia, is about to buy one ugly backpack. And for no other reason than the glory of the Internet, you can watch it all go down.

♣WHY WON’T GOD heal amputees? Actually, not a bad question. (The videos are especially great.)

♣A GOOD PORTION of all my vacation photos feature me, posing after running away from my auto-timed camera. (It’s what I do when there’s nobody around to take the shot.) But this guy does it better: He doesn’t even turn around.

♣FANCY SOCCER GAGS are fine. Just, uh, probably not during the game.

♣THE FIRST STORY: Middle school bans hugging! The second story: Everyone calm down, because the middle school didn’t ban hugging, it just banned large clusters to students in prolonged, mid-hallway group hugs, because it clogs up the hallways. I’ve been in a high school perhaps once or twice in the last six years, but even then, I noticed the absurdity of these hugs. They’re like blood clots in the hallway. And seriously, kids: You just saw each other, like, an hour ago. Was the seperation that hard?

♣AND ELSEWHERE IN Dumb Schoolville, parents and students get in a huff over a tame shirt. (And in other shirt-related news: Those t-shirt guns that cheerleaders use at basketball games can be dangerous. Also dangerous: This man’s shirt.)

♣AND THEN, THERE’S this.