Perhaps you’ve seen this Bank of America commercial. (If not, it’s here.) The scene: A diner in middle America. The magic: A silver Bank of America logo is suddenly floating outside, and as customers look at it, they’re treated to a flash of their prosperous futures. A young couple goes first, and see themselves on their wedding day. Then a waitress goes out (while still, for some reason, holding the coffee), and sees herself on an African safari.

Bank of America is promoting itself as the “Bank of Opportunity” — a funny slogan, really, considering its aggressive corporate takeover campaign has all but eliminated consumers’ opportunity to choose banks. But still, this message seems smart: BOA, it says, is the portal through which you can reach your future.

But what does the future hold for you? In Bank of America’s world, apparently, it’s a cookie-cutter life – and you better like it. Next up in the commercial, a fashionable woman in a sports car looks into the logo, and sees herself unloading kids from a minivan. Helllloooo, early-onset midlife crisis! And here’s the final transformation:

That scruffy dude looks into the logo, and sees himself clean-cut and wearing a tie. His dude-friend looks on, psyched, as if he just scored them some weed. “Whoa, man!” he seems to be saying. “You totally ditch our lifestyle, go corporate and work for the Man. Awsome!” I mean, hey, there’s nothing wrong with cutting your hair and making a buck. Everyone’s got to eat. But this is where the logic of this commercial (if you’re willing to accept the reality of a floating, future-telling BOA logo) falls apart. I can just about guarantee that scruffy college kids wouldn’t be thrilled if you told them, “Don’t worry about your future: You’ll succeed in a cubicle.”

But then, Bank of America doesn’t care if you like your future or not. It’ll still get your money.