A bar in Shrewsbury lost its liquor license, according to the Telegram & Gazette, “after patrons were unknowingly served cheap beer when they ordered high-end beer.” You have to slog through a dense, boring story before getting to the explanation of the big switch-a-roo: “investigators determined that patrons who ordered Budweiser or Miller Light beer were actually served Keystone Light, a much cheaper beer.”

First of all, it’s Miller Lite. But more importantly: Did this reporter just say Budweiser and Miller Light are high-end beers? Compared to what, Schlitz? Somebody, please, buy her a drink.